Flying Solo with Toddler

I've flown alone with my daughter, Sofie, now about a dozen times and it's been a steep learning curve. I’m going to break down all my tricks in order, from buying your ticket to getting off the plane.

I. BEFORE YOU GO

Buying your ticket

Consider a flight time when there’s likely to be plenty of extra seating and when your baby is usually sleeping.

If you choose your seat assignment, the aisle is your best bet. You’ll be getting out at least twice to walk your toddler up and down the aisles OR use the lavatory to perform the world's most amazing feat of an airplane diaper change.

Luggage to bring: One backpack for carry-on, one medium sized bag to check, and small stroller.

Backpack is best as a carry-on to remain hands-free.

For the bag you’re checking, you should be able to easily maneuver it with one hand.  You’re other hand is for the stroller.

Your stroller: the more compact, the better. You want it to be light and fold up in a half second when you get to security.  

A side note about your carseat!  If you have a rental car, rent a carseat with it!  Avoid lugging your own carseat.

On my first flight alone with Sof, I suffered from my overconfidence.  I had a baby in a carrier on my front, her terribly heavy carseat on my back, and TWO rolling bags.  I know I was a sad site, as 3-4 people came offering help. I finally swallowed my pride and accepted before I collapsed.

Stuff to stuff in your backpack

a. 3-4 toddler busy activities.

b. 2-4 favorite snacks.

c. Water bottle you both can share (with suction cap)

d. Enough diapers and wipes for the day

II. AT THE AIRPORT

Checking in, Security and Getting to your gate

You’re likely to be doing a lot of waiting in lines. This requires you to be still or move very slowly. Waiting. And waiting. This goes against every natural instinct in a toddler.  If keeping them in the stroller doesn't work, hold them or give them a toy or snack they can't refuse.

At security, try stacking your bins.  It's much easier to move one tall bunch of tubs down the metal table to the conveyor belt than it is to shove 4 in a row + backpack + stroller.

Your stroller will hopefully be the LAST thing to go on the belt. You don't need a runaway in the security line. Let her out and tell her to stay close for the half second it takes you to fold up your stroller. Pick her up, wait for TSA to nod you through the metal detector, and congratulate yourself on mastering security with a toddler.

Find Your Gate  
Then, If you have at least half hour before boarding -
Find TODDLER HEAVEN

This is where a lot of little tikes end up, so your kid will have some social and tumbling time to get some energy out before getting on the plane.

No toddler heaven? Walk around to some stores and try to keep your tike from breaking stuff. The Delta terminal at JFK didn't have a play area, but they DID have a toy store, so we spent at least an hour in there.

At the Gate

No matter if you got an aisle seat or not, be SURE to check with the agent at the gate 20 minutes before boarding to see if there are any open rows, or two open seats you can take over.  There usually are!

III. ON THE PLANE - the last STEP

Talk to baby about "loud noise", make a game

During take off, just before speeding down the runway, I tell her we’re about to go really fast in the airplane and it will make a loud noise.  Just as the engine is about to roar, I say “ready, set, go!” and she starts squealing in delight. As you come up into the air, you can point out the things you see on the ground.

Ear Plugging Prevention

Just after take off and as your descending, offer her a snack and something to drink.  The frequent swallowing should assuage any discomfort of plugged-up ears.

Dealing with tantrums

By far the most traumatic experience for me. I try to stay calm.  If you start becoming anxious, your tot will sense that and it will be a greater challenge to calm her down.  

Bring some extra ear plugs to offer the other peeps in your aisle.  Put some in yourself.  

Try to stay light-hearted and grateful.  I remind myself that my toddler is only crying and it will pass. At least she’s not puking.

If you’re not a parent, and are on the plane with a screaming baby, please know that the parents are suffering much more than you as they’re doing everything possible to calm their child.  Also, give thanks that the baby is not puking or puking on YOU.

Once you make it off the plane to your destination, go ahead and conquer the universe.  That would be peanuts compared to what you just did.

With these tips on buying your ticket, what luggage to bring, being in the airport and on the plane, I hope I was able to impart some wisdom on keeping you and your tot a tad happier as you travel.

Dinner: Bean Mess!

I made Bean Mess tonight. It's the first time I've cooked it, as I just invented it this evening. All kinds of colors went into this masterful creation. Pintos, chard, canned tomatoes, onions, garlic, curry powder, garlic powder, I can't recall the rest.

Sofie's had beans and all the other ingredients in separate dishes, but not this Mess. This food unfamiliarity could really backfire. : \

Doo dee doo, nothing out of the ordinary is happening here, child, as I dish this weirdness onto your tray. Let's just put the bib right on you and give you a spoon with a smile and voila! (Oh, jeez, just let her take a bite and TASTE it before she judges it by appearances, pleeeeeaaaaaase.) Doo dee doo, this is a masterpiece dinner that you will LOVE, my sweet!

She looks down and picks up a bean, putting it in her mouth right away. Standing ovation in my mind! Of course, I can't show it for risk of the whole situation becoming one of those weird power struggle things, so I pretend I'm distracted.

What do you know, the following bites are also a hit! She's even shoveling in the brown rice on the side! That's my girl. Not even blinking about the chard chunks? I mean, she wasn't going for the lone lumps of green, but she didn't pick it off the beans and tomatoes, either.

Leafy greens have been especially hard to get her to eat. In the past, I've witnessed her sticking out her tongue in disgust and beating it violently with her fingers, attempting to disappear the poisonous vegetable from her taste buds. It's quite distressing to watch!

She eats slowly, with just a few lone chard chunks left when she says, "all done." Full kid, happy parent. Hooray for Bean Mess!

Baby Locked In Car = 911 Emergency

I stood outside my car door, looking at Sofie locked on the inside, trying not to panic, but totally panicking. I just locked my 18 mo. old daughter inside. By herself. With the keys in the ignition. Did I just do this? WTF?! What kind of absent-minded parent does that?! OK, I have no time to hate myself right now. What the hell do I do?!

I feel my phone in my pocket. Who do I call?! Toly will be able to talk me through this! I call. No answer. F******&K!! My mind races and it takes me a minute to get through the panic thoughts and come to the rational ones. I don't want to leave the car and go look for someone, she'll be here by herself and then SHE might panic.

The car is on, the a/c is on full blast. No danger of overheating. So, I look on my phone's map for locksmiths nearby. I call one. He's on the job in the town over. I call another one. "Listen to me," she says slowly and calmly. And I feel a sense of quiet come over my mind as I prepare to understand what she's about to say. "If it's a child locked in the car, call the police and the fire department will be there asap to unlock the door." I breathe a sigh of relief. I call 911 and the dispatcher picks up. I feel the tears coming as I try to utter my circumstance and location.

Sof is still happy as a lark in the backseat. She amazes me. She's playing with her books and toys and says hi to me when I catch her eye through the glass. Her calm helps me relax a bit more. The police get there within three minutes. Firetruck arrives shortly after. The driver tries to talk to me while I watch the another fireman try to jimmy the lock with his tools. Another cop comes sprinting over to me with a cup of water. I wish his energy were put to better use, but I appreciate his wanting to help.

By now, there are three cop cars and a fully loaded firetruck surrounding our wee civic. Sof is a little concerned about the guy outside the window making noise with a big stick. She looks at me for answers and I try to communicate comfort with my eyes and smile - no easy task with how I feel! She still seems okay, but hangs closer by the door that I'm looking into. Finally the door lock clicks open. A different cop tries to pull me aside to ask me questions about what happened. Err, can I get to my daughter, please? I pull her out and hold her in my arms, overwhelmed with gratitude.

The explanation of how she got locked in is longer than I want to relate, but I learned more about how our car door locks operate and came away with a good lesson. Soooooooo grateful for those first responders!

Being Good

All I wanted as a kid was to be good. When your main drive is to receive praise, that's what you do. When I didn't know what was right or good, I took cues from others as to what would receive smiles or applause from the grown-ups. This need for approval came from a fear of failing and rejection. I was terrified of being shamed or disliked. Thankfully, I've gotten over all of that with time and practice.

But, all this leads me to Sofie.

I watch her as she plays with other kids, interacts with adults and explores her environment. She displays such confidence in her interactions. She is feisty, always testing us. Her eyes meet mine - how will I react when she throws her spoon to the floor for the zillionth time? Or when she carefully drops her eggs over the edge as she looks squarely at me. When I have the smallest hint of sternness in my voice as I see her reaching for the keyboard, she brushes it over with her hands, pretending to press the keys. She's a terror as any 18 month-old should be. She's exploring her boundaries and I can't possibly be upset about that or at her for it. She figures out what's right and wrong, good/bad, and makes her own decision.

It is eternally clear that fear is not her motivating force. Sofie has great confidence in herself and understands we unconditionally love and support her. She doesn't carry the fear I carried, and for this I have the deepest gratitude. I feel such faith that her confidence will be with her through childhood and her teenage years; that she will carry the love we pour into her and bring it forth during her hardest times. I am so thankful for her happiness. She gives us more love than we imagined possible.

T'was a Bad Night

First time she's fallen asleep without a diaper change, pajamas, story time, or toothbrushing. That kind of night, indeed. Something inside her ignited causing freakin' tantrum explosions all over the place. I find it easy to keep my cool during a tantrum, but discovered what's hardest about them; she doesn't let me comfort her. She doesn't want me to pick her up, doesn't want to listen to soothing music, doesn't want to watch Sesame Street, DOES NOT want me to touch her. She lets me know this by flailing her limbs and screaming till she runs out of breath.

Thus, I sit by her and watch as this thing takes her over. I have a beer at my side, I take a sip. Here I am feeling guilty that I'm nursing an alcoholic beverage when my child is screaming, but i've exhausted all options to try and help her. So, I watch her scream some more, seeing her face turn beet red with that sad mix of snot and tears that I SO want to wipe away, but knowing it will set her off even more if I dare. I finally tried picking her up again and she let me. We walked around the living room for 10 minutes in silence. She rested her head on my shoulder while she got those leftover heaves out of her system. I dismissed the idea of turning up the a/c as I got hotter carrying her. I dismissed walking outside or into the kitchen. She needed for me to walk a small, slow path with her in my arms, over and over and over. So, we did. She passed out and I put her to bed.

I'm exhausted and pained, but feel a strange confidence. I know that because we endured THAT mess, we can get through anything. Now I want a shoulder to lay my head, though. I do have a perfect one for these moments - it will just be home late tonight. I'll tell him what happened and he'll tell me I am strong and a good mother and yes, there are hard moments, but we'll look over it all quite fondly in 20 years. He is right.

Always to My Surprise

"Doj?", she asks standing by the garage door. I open it and stand in the entry way, half expecting her to head toward the glass recycling so she can explore those bottles as potential throwing materials. Surprisingly, she heads straight to the Honda and tries lifting the back door handle. "You want to go in the car?" I open the door and she pats the back seat repeatedly. "Upupupupup?" When she really wants something, it's one word repeated in quick succession. But, this is totally bizarro! Wanting to get IN the car? I lift her up on the seat and watch, stunned, as she crawls into her car seat. Does she want to go somewhere? Did she forget something in there? Does she want to dig for the long lost cheerios that have creeped beneath the buckle holes? None of the above. She makes herself comfortable with her phone at ear. "Ho? Ooze dis. Okay. Yeah? Okay. Soooon, bye".

I guessed we could be there for a little while, so I give cousin Cim a call to catch up. Sof and I spend the next fifteen minutes enjoying our separate conversations. When Cim and I hang up, she finally accepts my offer to go back in the house.

I so love the surprises she gives me!

Magnetic

Magnets were a hit for two days. I bought a cup full of colorful dots at Target - small to large. Why did I think she'd play nicely at the fridge with them? Waaaaay more fun throwing them from the fridge in all directions, then gathering them to put them into a cup, then taking them out to throw them on the floor again, then running away. I finally gathered them up and several were chipped. Poor magnets. They were so cheery, really. I moved them out of reach for a bit. Maybe I'll move them back down when I need another 20 minutes of dinner prep time.

Bath Time Minus Water

Last week, she asked me to put her in the empty bathtub. I think she saw the shampoo bottles and was tempted to throw them around. "In?" she says, looking at me. I decided she was pretty safe in the tub and she didn't seem to care about my presence, so I left and did some stuff in the kitchen, keeping an ear out. Maybe ten minutes, I come back just when she was getting bored with her new play pen. "Uppy?" Later that night, I noticed one of the shampoo bottles on its side, with a river of goo slowly pouring into the drain. arrrrrgh.

Words and Phrases, Dude

8/23/11

The past two days, she's learned to say "Where are you, _____?" Except she forgets the first word and walks around the house asking after her favorite toy, "Awe you, phooonne?" Then it's, "Awe you, Eena?" Elina is her best bud. More include, "Awe you, baby?" "Awe you, shoes?" "Awe you, Mommy?" She regularly strings 2-4 words together now. Genius! Dude, we're expecting a call from Harvard any day. They'll ask if she can be included in a study of brilliant babies. Sof will answer and be like, "Wassup, Harvard? Dude, awesooomme. I'll dooeeeeet."

Other genius-ness coming out of her mouth:

"shoes on?"

"papers" - when she wants some toilet paper.

"I see you, Poppa"

"I uh you" - I love you

"shoesies"

"raw ree" - the word for both "strawberry" and "library".

"mummit" - oven mit. She really likes wearing it on her hand and pretending to open the oven.

Poo Tales

August 1, 2011

Yesterday, she pooped in three different spots on the bathroom floor. I was in the shower and witnessed all three. I could tell the first one was coming. When it did, I went dripping over to the poo to wipe it up and asked her to get in the shower with me. Well, she wasn't having that. So, I went back in. Then she squatted again a foot away and I see another turdlet. Dammit. I got out again and wiped up the turd, throwing it in the toilet. I ran back into the shower too soon, obviously. She copped a squat on the bath rug and another two turds creeped out. Oh man, not the rug! She stood up and took a step back, resulting in a poo foot. I finally picked her up and plopped her on the shower floor, watching the poo wash down the drain. Eeeww.

Today we were in the UPS store. I was at the counter and Sof was playing with a stuffed puppy they had laying around. She creeped behind a stand-up sign and nearly sat down. “Whatcha doin’?” I asked her.
“Poo poo?” She says as if she’s asking. I didn’t turn around to see how many eyes we had on us, I just responded matter of fact-like, “Okay”. Good to know. And she did.

Hiding Places, Naps, Travels

July 1, 2011

Yesterday I found avocado slices in the pots n’ pans cupboard. Part of me wants to teach her that’s not where avocado goes, but most of me smiles and loves how she’s exploring new places to put old things. Though, I'd hate to find a piece of chicken in a cranny somewhere, left for the flies and... my most feared pest - maggots. Cockroaches are nothing compared to maggots.

Two days ago, she walked to the back of the hall toward her room and gestured toward it, crying. I was in the kitchen and asked, “What’s wrong, Sof?” What is it?” More crying.. then in the middle of sobs, “nap?” First time she asked to nap, I was so blown away! Self diagnosing AND communicating it to me? Big step!

We’re planning our trip back home to OR and Sof’s gonna go to the beach for the first time! And ride in a boat for the first time! And go on a nature walk! All the stuff we read about together and the illustrations she sees, she'll get to see in real life! I'm really excited about all those "clicks" that will happen in her little brain.

Hungry? Tired?

June 27, 2011

I couldn’t get her to eat lunch at all. She had a nibble of some grapes and two molecules of pork and a small cracker. I feel like we’re having a power struggle around food sometimes, which is so not what I want. I'm practicing letting go of that primal instinct to feed her and moving toward trusting her to eat when she’s hungry. If I offer something and she says, “no”, I let it go.

Her eyes were getting droopy when I was nursing her today. I asked if she was tired. No response. Then I asked if she wanted a nap. While still latched on, she so clearly and steadily shook her head side to side. I laughed out how perfectly she communicated herself. We understood each other more clearly than ever in that moment.

Slow it Down!

June 26, 2011

She’s growing too fast, I can't stand it. Her life is flashing before my eyes, I want to slow it down so I can take a picture every millisecond and record every new word and every new action she does. Everyone says these moments are numbered. I've heard stuff like, "You can't shut them up once they start talking." Really?? I mean maybe, but I see that as such an awesome milestone - being able to hold a conversation or just talk to themselves in coherent sentences instead of babble? Their imagination is on fire!

Sofie can swim three feet underwater by herself. We still need video, it’s so incredible how fast she's progressed. It's been less than a month since our first swim lesson. She’s a little over confident in the water, though - jumping toward us from the first step, not waiting for us to be ready to catch her. I fear a face plant onto the second stair-step, so I hope and pray she learns soon and safely.

She’s starting to imitate me in things I wear or accessorize with. My hair ties, for example. She grabs them off my wrist so she can wear them on hers. Then, walking over to my shoes, she asks, "Shoes?". as she tries to step in. She picks up my tanktop from the floor, looks at it, and puts a strap around her neck. Now, she's sporting a cumbersome necklace around the house for 20 minutes.

I hope I never forget these little events. Hell, I know I will. That's what the blog is for!