Death to Diapers - Day 4

Schedule of Activity: See pattern of 1% potty usage from days 1-3.

My processing --

Is she just not ready? But she shows so many signs!

She -

1) tells me when she's poo'd her diaper and asks to be changed.

2) has asked 2-3 times in the past to use the potty and used it appropriately.

3) has the verbal skills to communicate the above!

Challenges so far --

1) Often, she doesn't mind that she's wet or poo'd. She'll keep playing until I notice the wetness or hear a squeaking shoe - within 1-5 minutes of the occurrence.

2) I have to bribe her with chocolate just to TRY and go on the potty. One M&M for trying, three M&Ms for actually going. Often, she ignores my bribe just to try. I'm not increasing the M&M dose, either!

Should I let more time pass after I notice wetness or pooness? Maybe she'll have more discomfort, incentivizing her to prevent the experience by using the pot. But the thought of poo just resting and stinking in her panties, eeeewww. And when she sits down, eeeewwww. I'll just wait with #1s, perhaps.

3) She's not following the pattern of cold-turkey potty training that I've read and heard about - 4 days and they mostly have it. Yeah yeah, every kid is different, blah bleh bloo. So, my comparisons are likely not helping our progress.

I'm not giving up yet, dammit! 

Suggestions? Lemme hear them! Except suggesting that she's not ready, I'm not ready to hear that!

Death to Diapers - Day 3

Schedule of Activities

6:30am 

Change into panties from poo diaper.
8:30am
Nada
10:30am
Zilch
12:00pm
I start panicking that I’ve traumatized her around the whole potty and poo/pee experience. Is she holding it in and suffering?

12:30pm

Pees herself, seems fine

1:45-2:00pm

Keeps peeing - three panty changes

5:00pm

All numbers in her pants.

7:00pm
She explains, “poo poo on the potty” as she walks toward it. She scores! And then reminds me I owe her chocolate.

Death to Diapers - Day 2

Schedule of Elimination

7:15am
Poo. She woke up crying that her popa hurt (Russian for “butt”). Morning constipation? She begged for a diaper and I couldn’t refuse the poor child.

8:00am
P-P in her diaper. Change into panties.

8:45am
Mysterious drop of liquid in her panties. Clear/white in color. Indistinguishable smell. Spilled milk from her cereal?

11:00am
Screaming pee. Likely my fault. She was complaining about going on the potty and I put her on anyway. She exploded in tantrum. I walked out of the bathroom feeling impatient and she peed herself, standing right next to the toilet. We made up, of course.

11:20am
A CRAP in her panties. She looks at me and whines. It’s square shaped.

1:30pm
Pee in diaper during nap. Change to panties.

3:40pm
Pee in Target clothing department. “Oops”, she says. At least she acknowledged it as an oops, that must be progress. We walk to the bathroom for a change.

5:40pm
Poo while handling play-doh. She looks at me after it’s done with a concerned frown.

6pm-7:30pm
3-4 small pees in her panties. After all of them, I set her on the toilet to see if she had any more and one time she DID! That’s one potty-pee on our 2nd day, wahoo!!!



Note: I added more incentive than just praise today - M&Ms. I never EVER thought I’d bribe a child of mine with candy. I read an article that convinced me to do it. Click here if you’re curious. The author suggests jelly beans, but those are gross. Sofie doesn't care about stickers, otherwise those would be first choice. I’ll wean her off once she gets the routine down.

Death to Diapers - Day 1

I'll be chronicling our potty training days from start to finish. Enjoy!


Schedule of Elimination Activity

8am

Pees in her training pants. She doesn’t seem to notice or care, so I make the executive decision to put her into panties from now on. What will you think of that much wetness, BABY?!

12:30pm

Massive #2 while at Trader Joe’s (likely disguising a #1) . Thankfully she was in a diaper. I didn’t want to chance an errand in undies on the first day.

2:30pm

Activity: pee. Position: squat. Context: staring at water coming out of the hose.

5:00pm
A rotten stench fills my nose and I jump to check her undies. A turdlet looks me dead in the eye. I rush her to the toilet to finish the job, but it becomes clear after 10 minutes that Mr. T has no other friends. (No racial pun intended).

5:30pm
Flood. I mean, her croc is splashing out pee with each step back to the house. Ew.

Summary: No elimination in potty. Stay tuned for Day 2....

Is Blood Coming out of My Ears?

WTF is this new screaming addiction. She screams when she doesn’t want her hair brushed, shrieks when company is over to put on a show, screeches when a toy isn’t working correctly. It’s irrational and it F-ing hurts my ears.

You know the child development theory that goes, “If you give “x” negative behavior more attention, they’ll just do it more.” So, do I treat it like a phase and ignore it most of the time, hoping she’ll get over it? That seems nuts! There are consequences for behavior like hitting, but I can stop her when she’s hitting. It’s not like I can put a zap collar around her neck (even if I could, I wouldn’t, come on). Somehow I have to convince her that screaming is not cool. This is what I tell her a lot - “No screaming, Sof, use your words”. Which is as useful as, “Scream all you want, I love it when my ears bleed, sweetie!”

Kids need to express their frustration and anger.  What’s the best, most healthy way to allow them that? I can’t be angry when she yells and cries, right? Putting her in a time-out just for crying isn’t cool. I mean, I’m not cool with it. I can just imagine her going to therapy as an adult, having sessions about not being able to express her anger at home.

But, SCREAMING is just theatrical. I mean, COME ON, child! Do I give her a consequence for doing it? This is my latest technique - “No. Screaming. Sofie. Use your words and tell me what you want.” (serious eye contact with low, stern voice). If she screams a second time, I say it again and tell her she can choose to have a time-out or she can use her words. The third time is a time-out lasting 1-2 minutes. While in time-out, she cries and I’m stuck with the all too familiar self-doubting questions, “Am I doing the right thing? What the hell is the right thing?!” Time-outs work in the short term, but she’s likely to scream a few more times later that day.

How do you get your toddler to act “appropriately”? Is that a paradoxical question? Punishment or negative consequences can’t be THE answer for this. Do these monsters just grow out of it?

Flying Solo with Toddler

I've flown alone with my daughter, Sofie, now about a dozen times and it's been a steep learning curve. I’m going to break down all my tricks in order, from buying your ticket to getting off the plane.

I. BEFORE YOU GO

Buying your ticket

Consider a flight time when there’s likely to be plenty of extra seating and when your baby is usually sleeping.

If you choose your seat assignment, the aisle is your best bet. You’ll be getting out at least twice to walk your toddler up and down the aisles OR use the lavatory to perform the world's most amazing feat of an airplane diaper change.

Luggage to bring: One backpack for carry-on, one medium sized bag to check, and small stroller.

Backpack is best as a carry-on to remain hands-free.

For the bag you’re checking, you should be able to easily maneuver it with one hand.  You’re other hand is for the stroller.

Your stroller: the more compact, the better. You want it to be light and fold up in a half second when you get to security.  

A side note about your carseat!  If you have a rental car, rent a carseat with it!  Avoid lugging your own carseat.

On my first flight alone with Sof, I suffered from my overconfidence.  I had a baby in a carrier on my front, her terribly heavy carseat on my back, and TWO rolling bags.  I know I was a sad site, as 3-4 people came offering help. I finally swallowed my pride and accepted before I collapsed.

Stuff to stuff in your backpack

a. 3-4 toddler busy activities.

b. 2-4 favorite snacks.

c. Water bottle you both can share (with suction cap)

d. Enough diapers and wipes for the day

II. AT THE AIRPORT

Checking in, Security and Getting to your gate

You’re likely to be doing a lot of waiting in lines. This requires you to be still or move very slowly. Waiting. And waiting. This goes against every natural instinct in a toddler.  If keeping them in the stroller doesn't work, hold them or give them a toy or snack they can't refuse.

At security, try stacking your bins.  It's much easier to move one tall bunch of tubs down the metal table to the conveyor belt than it is to shove 4 in a row + backpack + stroller.

Your stroller will hopefully be the LAST thing to go on the belt. You don't need a runaway in the security line. Let her out and tell her to stay close for the half second it takes you to fold up your stroller. Pick her up, wait for TSA to nod you through the metal detector, and congratulate yourself on mastering security with a toddler.

Find Your Gate  
Then, If you have at least half hour before boarding -
Find TODDLER HEAVEN

This is where a lot of little tikes end up, so your kid will have some social and tumbling time to get some energy out before getting on the plane.

No toddler heaven? Walk around to some stores and try to keep your tike from breaking stuff. The Delta terminal at JFK didn't have a play area, but they DID have a toy store, so we spent at least an hour in there.

At the Gate

No matter if you got an aisle seat or not, be SURE to check with the agent at the gate 20 minutes before boarding to see if there are any open rows, or two open seats you can take over.  There usually are!

III. ON THE PLANE - the last STEP

Talk to baby about "loud noise", make a game

During take off, just before speeding down the runway, I tell her we’re about to go really fast in the airplane and it will make a loud noise.  Just as the engine is about to roar, I say “ready, set, go!” and she starts squealing in delight. As you come up into the air, you can point out the things you see on the ground.

Ear Plugging Prevention

Just after take off and as your descending, offer her a snack and something to drink.  The frequent swallowing should assuage any discomfort of plugged-up ears.

Dealing with tantrums

By far the most traumatic experience for me. I try to stay calm.  If you start becoming anxious, your tot will sense that and it will be a greater challenge to calm her down.  

Bring some extra ear plugs to offer the other peeps in your aisle.  Put some in yourself.  

Try to stay light-hearted and grateful.  I remind myself that my toddler is only crying and it will pass. At least she’s not puking.

If you’re not a parent, and are on the plane with a screaming baby, please know that the parents are suffering much more than you as they’re doing everything possible to calm their child.  Also, give thanks that the baby is not puking or puking on YOU.

Once you make it off the plane to your destination, go ahead and conquer the universe.  That would be peanuts compared to what you just did.

With these tips on buying your ticket, what luggage to bring, being in the airport and on the plane, I hope I was able to impart some wisdom on keeping you and your tot a tad happier as you travel.

Dinner: Bean Mess!

I made Bean Mess tonight. It's the first time I've cooked it, as I just invented it this evening. All kinds of colors went into this masterful creation. Pintos, chard, canned tomatoes, onions, garlic, curry powder, garlic powder, I can't recall the rest.

Sofie's had beans and all the other ingredients in separate dishes, but not this Mess. This food unfamiliarity could really backfire. : \

Doo dee doo, nothing out of the ordinary is happening here, child, as I dish this weirdness onto your tray. Let's just put the bib right on you and give you a spoon with a smile and voila! (Oh, jeez, just let her take a bite and TASTE it before she judges it by appearances, pleeeeeaaaaaase.) Doo dee doo, this is a masterpiece dinner that you will LOVE, my sweet!

She looks down and picks up a bean, putting it in her mouth right away. Standing ovation in my mind! Of course, I can't show it for risk of the whole situation becoming one of those weird power struggle things, so I pretend I'm distracted.

What do you know, the following bites are also a hit! She's even shoveling in the brown rice on the side! That's my girl. Not even blinking about the chard chunks? I mean, she wasn't going for the lone lumps of green, but she didn't pick it off the beans and tomatoes, either.

Leafy greens have been especially hard to get her to eat. In the past, I've witnessed her sticking out her tongue in disgust and beating it violently with her fingers, attempting to disappear the poisonous vegetable from her taste buds. It's quite distressing to watch!

She eats slowly, with just a few lone chard chunks left when she says, "all done." Full kid, happy parent. Hooray for Bean Mess!