WTF is this new screaming addiction. She screams when she doesn’t want her hair brushed, shrieks when company is over to put on a show, screeches when a toy isn’t working correctly. It’s irrational and it F-ing hurts my ears.
You know the child development theory that goes, “If you give “x” negative behavior more attention, they’ll just do it more.” So, do I treat it like a phase and ignore it most of the time, hoping she’ll get over it? That seems nuts! There are consequences for behavior like hitting, but I can stop her when she’s hitting. It’s not like I can put a zap collar around her neck (even if I could, I wouldn’t, come on). Somehow I have to convince her that screaming is not cool. This is what I tell her a lot - “No screaming, Sof, use your words”. Which is as useful as, “Scream all you want, I love it when my ears bleed, sweetie!”
Kids need to express their frustration and anger. What’s the best, most healthy way to allow them that? I can’t be angry when she yells and cries, right? Putting her in a time-out just for crying isn’t cool. I mean, I’m not cool with it. I can just imagine her going to therapy as an adult, having sessions about not being able to express her anger at home.
But, SCREAMING is just theatrical. I mean, COME ON, child! Do I give her a consequence for doing it? This is my latest technique - “No. Screaming. Sofie. Use your words and tell me what you want.” (serious eye contact with low, stern voice). If she screams a second time, I say it again and tell her she can choose to have a time-out or she can use her words. The third time is a time-out lasting 1-2 minutes. While in time-out, she cries and I’m stuck with the all too familiar self-doubting questions, “Am I doing the right thing? What the hell is the right thing?!” Time-outs work in the short term, but she’s likely to scream a few more times later that day.
How do you get your toddler to act “appropriately”? Is that a paradoxical question? Punishment or negative consequences can’t be THE answer for this. Do these monsters just grow out of it?
You know the child development theory that goes, “If you give “x” negative behavior more attention, they’ll just do it more.” So, do I treat it like a phase and ignore it most of the time, hoping she’ll get over it? That seems nuts! There are consequences for behavior like hitting, but I can stop her when she’s hitting. It’s not like I can put a zap collar around her neck (even if I could, I wouldn’t, come on). Somehow I have to convince her that screaming is not cool. This is what I tell her a lot - “No screaming, Sof, use your words”. Which is as useful as, “Scream all you want, I love it when my ears bleed, sweetie!”
Kids need to express their frustration and anger. What’s the best, most healthy way to allow them that? I can’t be angry when she yells and cries, right? Putting her in a time-out just for crying isn’t cool. I mean, I’m not cool with it. I can just imagine her going to therapy as an adult, having sessions about not being able to express her anger at home.
But, SCREAMING is just theatrical. I mean, COME ON, child! Do I give her a consequence for doing it? This is my latest technique - “No. Screaming. Sofie. Use your words and tell me what you want.” (serious eye contact with low, stern voice). If she screams a second time, I say it again and tell her she can choose to have a time-out or she can use her words. The third time is a time-out lasting 1-2 minutes. While in time-out, she cries and I’m stuck with the all too familiar self-doubting questions, “Am I doing the right thing? What the hell is the right thing?!” Time-outs work in the short term, but she’s likely to scream a few more times later that day.
How do you get your toddler to act “appropriately”? Is that a paradoxical question? Punishment or negative consequences can’t be THE answer for this. Do these monsters just grow out of it?
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